I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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