Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize