Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
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Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
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I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
there is glitter all over my balls
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