Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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