I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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