he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
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I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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