I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
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We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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