He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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