At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize