Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize