I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
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my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
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If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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