sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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