i already hear my dad disowning me
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
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You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
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If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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