on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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