Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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