She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize