FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
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dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
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I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Dicks are not precious.
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