I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
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I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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