Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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