no, he came in my armpit
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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