Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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