Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
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...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
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You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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