Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
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I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
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She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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