Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
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It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
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I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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