Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize