The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I will be naked everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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