Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
my poor anus
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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