So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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