you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize