I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
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I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
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And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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