Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
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I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
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I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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