you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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