I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
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Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
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Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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