she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
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We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
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I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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