I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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