dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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