The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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