i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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