I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize