she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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