I need to stop coming to work sober
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
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A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
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well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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