Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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