come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
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is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
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I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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