Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I intend to get homeless drunk
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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