whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize