I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
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There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize