How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
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we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
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You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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