im drinking this country out of the recession.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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