What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
And then my night got REAL pukey
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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