Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner

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  (206): I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner http://tfl.nu/6elk
  Replies (2) Good night (2680) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
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  (607): View more from New York

  I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.

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  (607): I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked. http://tfl.nu/k09k
  Replies (12) Good night (4671) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate

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  (812): Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate http://tfl.nu/9bko
  Replies (23) Good night (921) Bad night (4073) Order T-Shirt
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.

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  (713): I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand. http://tfl.nu/1sll
  Replies (8) Good night (3044) Bad night (671) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.

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  (973): Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality. http://tfl.nu/dmqi
  Replies (9) Good night (1982) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.

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  (574): If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time. http://tfl.nu/3esg
  Replies (3) Good night (1941) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...

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  (561): Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all... http://tfl.nu/2j9n
  Replies (11) Good night (517) Bad night (2293) Order T-Shirt
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  (559): View more from California

  Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.

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  (559):Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination. http://tfl.nu/eipz
  Replies (5) Good night (1613) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.

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  (541): Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars. http://tfl.nu/cv6a
  Replies (8) Good night (1977) Bad night (445) Order T-Shirt
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.

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  (928): I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop. http://tfl.nu/tczb
  Replies (17) Good night (3294) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.

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  (240): This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room. http://tfl.nu/ruma
  Replies (4) Good night (1233) Bad night (418) Order T-Shirt
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.

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  (740): Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves. http://tfl.nu/uw3n
  Replies (10) Good night (1442) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".

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  (317): No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila". http://tfl.nu/tmys
  Replies (6) Good night (1324) Bad night (360) Order T-Shirt
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?

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  (509): Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet? http://tfl.nu/3lpx
  Replies (4) Good night (353) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn

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  (847): that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn http://tfl.nu/c0rj
  Replies (15) Good night (880) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt

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